Deep

I see before me an elderly women, confused and disoriented. Somewhere behind the attempts to jump out of bed, I see a person who was once a mother and a young women like myself. Now as the dementia takes over I must search deeper to who she really is. Next room over, another elder but this time a man. With agitation of a soldier in battle. Quickly he asks me how long I’ve served in the navy. Beneath my smile I theorize his mind is stuck in the days of his service. As I turn him from side to side, I wonder how contrasting this life style is now to his previous days. No longer a father and husband or soldier for his country. Now a goofy, cynical man depending on people like me with ordinary jobs to do everything for him. I continue by applying oxygen, repositioning him every two hours, oral swabs, changing for incontinence, feeding, wrapping and redressing pressure ulcers which may never heal. The care is exhausting yet in reflection my heart’s compassion is turned on. For these patients, are not just that, they were once people like me and the compassion is given whether respected or deserved. These are two people of the many I have come to know, very personally, much to their vulnerability. Many duties my hands attempt to juggle, smooth out and comfort.

Then my body tires and my emotions are emptied. In the low my doubt fills my mind. Am I good at this? Is this nursing for me? The peaceful silence waves over me. The music of worship refreshing me. His Holy Spirit bringing to my mind the cross. For he lived a compassionate life. His hands reached out to the poor. They touched the hands of the sick and brought life. The outcast was cared for. Yet still for his work, the rejection was billed. As he marched up to the hill, cross on back and thorns on head. The blood was pouring but the insults flooded even more. Surely he died for the compassionate ones, who needed him. But what is more he died for the one rebellious man who gave the punishment. With joy he endured and raised three days later. Life was born. The Holy Spirit leads me through these images as my body lays down. And the tears fall down in awe of all Christ did for me and my heart is filled with joy that I can share in his compassion by being a nurse. Purpose fills again for reverence of his sacrifice. Then I hear his clear soft voice speaking to me “give them what I gave you”.

Family in Colorado

It’s nice to be able to journal about these events because later on they will provide so much history when our memory has failed us, lol. I truly love journaling all this…it challenges me and reminds me constantly how blessed we have been. Anyways.

Colorado 2010. Below is a picture of my cousin, Linea, now a senior at the Colorado Spring Air Force Academy. She is studying behavioral science with her boyfriend, James Greener. It was the first time she met Ryan. I haven’t seen her in at least 5 years or more. It was great to chat as adults now. She is very sweet. This picture is at Aunt Bonnie’s house.

My cousins, Quinn and Ian came over too. They are actually my second cousins but who’s counting, right Quinn is now 10years old!! I came out to Colorado by myself to visit the summer he was born!! Ian is now 13 years old too! They are both a blast to be with. Trina and Chris are doing great too. We got to see them too. They have a 1year old standard poodle named Leo. These two boys were our ring bearers in our wedding!! So we have some neat ties with all our family in Colorado. Aunt Bonnie has been a huge part of my childhood and adult life. And a part of our story as a couple. She is making a quilt for us. We picked out the fabric while we were there. I can’t wait to see it!!!

Hillsong Concert Colorado

What an awesome Christmas gift from Ryan this year! He got me tickets to go see Hillsong, a praise worship band from Australia. This band has been a huge part of my spiritual life. I started listening to them my sophomore year in college and it was about that time that I really started to walk in a deeper relationship with Jesus. Through Hillsong my love for the holy spirit has grown so much. Their songs have been huge time of worship for me. It has set my heart on fire for the Lord. Ryan is really starting to enjoy them too!

We flew to Colorado and drove up to Loveland. It got down to 4 degree weather and started snowing. 1,000 people couldn’t make it to the concert. But it was awesome anyways!!! We got to sit in the upper seats and we got to go on the floor with all the people. It felt more like a time of worship than a concert. I love their Australian accents!!! One of the women singers looks similar to me and she was so sweet. She did some songs with just the guitar. Her voice sounds like an angel. She also shared scripture of Jesus feeding the 4,000. The concert was suppose to have 5,000 people but due to weather only 4,000 showed up. So the scripture was unique to us! It was so awesome to raise our hands in a large group of people. They did some new songs too, which were totally inspiring. The holy spirit is on the move in our lives as a couple. This second year of marriage has been rewarding for us. It just seems like the Lord has really grown us both into a better picture of what He wants us to be. I love that we spent our time together worshiping. It something that will last forever. And I know that at the end of my life I remember times like these were we stood together and praised God!! These are times that last forever since it’s about the Lord. It inspires us to do more acts of worship together as a couple. And to continue it with our kids one day.

We loved the desert song. Ryan said he woke up this morning with the song stuck in his head. What a good thing to have on our minds Some of the lyrics are “I will bring praise. No weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice. I will declare. God is my victory and HE IS HERE. All of my life. In every season you are STILL GOD. I have reason to sing. I have reason to worship.”

“Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!” Psalm 66

The lucky glasses

I recieved a call last week for an interview at Portland Providence Hospital as an On-Call Med/Surg/Urology Nurse. I have been playing an endless phone tag with this manager, but she kept pursuing me. In preparation for my interview, I wanted to add something to my appearance to make me look older. I get WAY too many comments about how young I look. Many people say I look too young to be a nurse. Some even saying I look like a teenager. Since this is a HUGE job opportunity I wanted the manager to think I am older and smart. (I know I am underneath…I just need a little outside touch to desplay it). So I got some fake glasses since my current glasses don’t fit. Melanie didn’t like the idea and said I should just be myself. Daniel and Ry said to go for it. Anyways, come Monday I slipped those little suckers on and Ry helped me choose a very, very nice outfit.  When I was ready to go, Ry said, “you look like you are interviewing for a doctor’s position!”

The interview went for only 30 minutes! And when I walked in the door the manager was wearing glasses (I did a little yahoo inside). I prepared answers in advance and her questions were great. But only 30 min for an interview made me cautious. I was pleasantly surprised when she called later that day to offer me the job!!!!!!!!!!! Her two main comments were: I was very professionally dressed and that my answers were very good.

Ryan and I are SO pumped about this job!!! For so many reasons; #1 It’s a Providence Hospital and in fact, one of the thee oldest hospitals, #2 It’s med/surg/urology so I’m familiar with it, #3 It’s super hard to get into the Providence system, #4 It’s on-call which is what I want to do when we start our family sometimes these next couple years, #5 It’s in northeast Portland, we want to live on the very outside of Portland to mix things up from hillsboro/beaverton, #6 Solid Rock is starting a Portland Campus and they want people to live/work near it!! So I could invite people to church, #7 The manager is nice and she said there are no hard-to-work-with nurses!! #8 The pay is great.

In conversation with my old hospital, wvmc, they don’t have any other nursing positions open. So I had to make the decision to say goodbye. Which is probably a good thing, but God just quickly closed that door. It was a little scary for Ryan and I. But this last month I had two other job interviews. One was with Children’s Nursing Specialities – an amazing home health organization. I LOVED this organization but the pay was too low. But now since I have a higher paying on-call job, Ryan said it would financially work. So I called them up, and in a matter of 15minutes I got the job there too!! This is all SO crazy. I’ve been trying SO hard to find a better job situation for me and then God just pulled two jobs I really wanted into my lap (while closing other doors) in 24hrs. I mean seriously…only God could have surprised me with this. I will be working part-time with CNS and with kids!!!!! Yahoo!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe this all happened so fast and that God gave me TWO beautiful jobs. Ryan is super excited too, and Lord willing, hopefully he will get his first job this summer. One of the most exciting things about all this is that I feel I could keep these jobs for a very very long time. Especially the on-call job with providence since it works well with a family schedule.

New Years at the beach house

Happy 2010!!!!!!!!!!

We spent the four day weekend at the beach house in Yachats.

It was a ton of fun. Melanie and Daniel had the time off too so they came down. Jeff & Jennifer were there and so was good old Sunny dog. On new years eve we celebrated with toasting the new year via sparkling cider. Lots could happen this year so it was fun to toast it.

On new years Melanie, Daniel, Ryan and I went bowling in Florence – which was a blast! Oh and we play a tournament of air hockey. It was fun to play games. We also went on a little shopping game.

The sunset that evening was so beautiful!! Later, Melanie and I made Fettuccine Alfredo and Buffalo wings.  Followed by watching the movie “Up”. It was a fun New Years.

The next day Ryan and I had a date at the Green Salmon and continued one of our traditions of picking a scripture for each semester. We sat by the warm fireplace and choose cool scriptures. It will be fun to pray over those verses these next 5months.

Melanie and Daniel got lots of good sleep in the loft – like 12hrs! I don’t know how they do it but I’m so glad they could rest. We played a fun board game for several hours and then headed to Newport (with Jeff too) to see the movie “Blind Side”. It was a really good movie – totally inspirational. On the way home we stopped by for some pizza and stayed up late talking.

I also made some homemade granola bars….it was fun to cook more. The last day I went to a long run on the beach with Sunny dog. Running on the beach is one of my favorite things to do. So relaxing and always draws me near to the Lord.

Before leaving the beach Melanie, Daniel, Jeff, Ryan and I went to the green salmon for a Cafe Hawaii coffee, amazing sandwiches/scones and played a game.

Over all this one of our favorite trips we’ve had with Melanie and Daniel!! We had a couple of great conversations about engagement and them helping us with Sunny dog. It was a BLAST with them and fun to have Jeff there too. Jennifer left earlier to get ready for school.

We are so thankful for the beach house and sharing time with people we love.

Christmas Time

It’s hard to believe that Christmas has come and gone already!! We spend all this time preparing for Christmas and then it goes by in the blink of an eye. The weekend before Christmas we went with my family to pick out their Christmas tree. Sophie and I always have “themes” and this year it was to find the ugliest tree. So we got a tree that had two awkward branches at the top and a long one coming out the front. We turned the tree into a “reindeer” tree…so funny.

Michelle and Cameron came up from California  too! We got to greet them at the airport and spend lots of time with them. Michelle is so beautiful with her big pregnant belly. She had a super cute baby shower and boy did she get lots of cute baby clothes. It was special to share that with her.

For Christmas Eve, we spent the day with the Stickas. Michelle and Cameron had spent the night…we played with Sunny dog, watched dirty jobs and made dinner. In the morning Ryan cooked his specialty french toast After they left Ryan and I had some time to open presents together. He really enjoyed the snowshoes!! And he got me tickets to Colorado to go see the band Hillsong play!!  I seriously can’t wait!! Sunny has thoroughly enjoyed his new bed and soccer ball and has already ripped them to pieces, lol Oh well. Then we went over to the Stickas and opened more present. I got an awesome apron and sweet cookbooks from Michelle….I can’t wait to use them. Then we went to Solid Rock’s candle light service followed by dinner at Ruby Tuesdays!!! Wow – it just hit me how much we did. But it was all SO SO much fun.

Christmas day I got put on-call at the hospital!!! I was SO happy about that. I went over to my parents place and hung out with my siblings for several hours. Talked with Mom & Dad about cool stuff (I always enjoy talking with them). And it was fun to see my brothers and sister. Then I met Ryan at this parents place for a Christmas dinner. All of his side of the family were there and it was great to see them too. Then we went over to Uncle Gary and Aunt Karen’s for Christmas dinner. They recently remodeled their house and it is SO cozy. It was great to see them. Josh and Kristin and the three beautiful girls showed up …what a cute family. I got to chat with Kristin for a longer time and that was fun…she is so sweet. Little Lia is now over 2months old and growing quickly. She has big blue eyes. Miriam is cute as ever and is getting so old (almost 5yrs) and Eliza is just plain cute. Eliza always has this HUGE smile. Whew! What a busy Christmas time!! Ryan and I enjoyed it SO much. And we are looking forward to some extra couple time since we were busy lately.

Feeding tubes

Just a way for me to review my nursing skills:

There are several different feeding tubes. Nasogastric (nose to stomach); Nasodoudenal (nose to doudenum or jejunum); Gastrostomy (stomach) or Jejunostomy(jejunum). Feedings can be 1. Bolus – resembles normal meal feeding patterns; about 400mL over 30-60minutes every 3-6hours. 2. Countinuous – given over 24hrs w/an infusion pump regulating the flow. 3. Cyclical – feedings given for 8-16hrs either day or night w/an infusion pump. I mostly work for G-tube that are given cyclically with an infusion pump. Recently, I was reminded that checking residuals (the amount of feeding not digested by the stomach) is important. If too much food isn’t being digested the patient will vomit and most likely aspirate/cough and has a high chance of dying. Patient with feeding tubes, for whatever reason, can not swallow food so if they vomit on feedings in the stomach they will be unable to clear their throats out. For my hospital residuals are checked every 4hrs. If less than 100ml residual than feedings are given. Large volume aspirated indicates delayed gastric emptying and place the patient at risk for aspiration. Assess bowel sounds, if bowel sounds are absent then hold the feeding and notify the MD. Tube placement can be verified by measure the pH of the residual, it should be 3.5 or lower. Aspirate stomach contents, measure and return contents to prevent electrolyte imbalance. Warming the feedings can prevent stomach cramps and diarrhea. If a bolus is given keep the patient in high-Fowlers position (90degree upright position) for 30minutes. For continuous feedings keep the patient in a semi-Fowler position at all times. Always assess placement of the tube before feedings. Change the feeding container and tubing every 24hrs. Do not hang more solution than will be required for a 4hr period to prevent bacterial growth. Gently flush with 30-50ml of water or NS after the feeding! Diarrhea can be prevented by giving the feedings slowly and at room temp. Do not give if residual is greater than 100mL. Keep the HOB elevated. If aspiration does occur, suction immediately, assess respiratory rate, auscultate breath sounds, check for fever (aspiration pneumonia) and prepare for Stat Chest Xray. Flush tube with NS or water before and after feedings to prevent clogging. Vomiting can be prevent by not letting the bag to empty, don’t allow air to enter the tube. If vomiting occurs place the patient in a side lying position.

Medications can be given via G-tube. Crush the medications and dissolve them in 10mL of water. Check placement and residual before giving medications. Draw up the medications, clear excess air then insert into the G-tube. Flush afterward. And clamp the tube for 30-60minutes. 

The end.

Cozy Winter Pictures

Faithful

We have really enjoyed our church so much. Every Sunday has such a huge investment in our lives. This week John Mark spoke about 1 Thessalonians about prophecy and our work ethic with our faith. Some of us need to be working harder on being obedient to God and others of us need to relax and realize God is faithful. It was so encouraging to me to hear about God’s faithfulness. Lately, I’ve come to realize my own aim to be a perfectionist – in the long run it has caused me stress and exhaustion. But God’s truth produces a spirit of peace and freedom. I will always work hard but I need a dose of God’s faithfulness in my life.

” The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it” 1 Thessalonians 5:24

In reflection I acknowledge that God has been faithful and he will be faithful in the future. God will show us where Ryan’s first job will be. God will reveal the perfect timing to start our family. God will be faithful in my career even in the times of intense stress. God will be faithful to provide time for rest. God hears our prayers. God will be there – in every moment – the high and the low. God doesn’t promise a  perfect life and an aim to be perfect isn’t good. What God does promise is his faithfulness to us; his promise to be ever present throughout life. And we must also adjust our hearts to honor him, obey him but even more to be faithful back to the Lord and acknowledge his presence in every aspect of our lives. If we open ourselves to his presence and his influence in every circumstance I am sure that he will make good of it. Open my eyes Lord to your faithfulness.

“For great is his love toward us and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever” Psalms 117:2

Play Time

Sunny dog keeps picking up my clothes and carrying them away. Since he must love my clothes, we put them on him! It was hilarous. He will make a cozy old professor dog one day. haha.